It’s been a while since I blogged, and though it is a monthly goal of mine, these posts don’t seem to write themselves. It’s not due to lack of potential content, I have plenty of that to go around. I think I haven’t been prioritizing my writing like I wanted to when 2024 started. After all, “write” is one of my four focus words for the year, along with “peace, “joy”, and “new”. What a better time than now, with six months of the year completed and six months left to go to do a little checking in with myself and with my goals.
A few years ago I started using four focus or theme words to help me create and maintain New Years resolutions. I enjoy this practice but this year I’ve found myself somewhat intimated by two of my words – “new” and “write”. I want to be, and usually am, open to new experiences and new ways of doing things and new Netflix shows I can binge watch. But new can also be different and can push us a little past a comfort zone. Yet when I think of the new things that I’ve actually tried this year, I don’t really think I’m doing much. Orange theory was new to me late last year, and I’ve kept up that new habit of exercise. And I love it. I started out only going when my friends went, but now the trainers know my name and I’m more comfortable there than when I went in November. That’s where my “new” seems to stop. Well, I guess last week I went to a speed dating event where I met 14 men, each for 3 minute conversations and only put “yes” on two of them. That was quite a new experience for me. I am learning new things each day at work and meeting new people, so I guess that’s something. Perhaps it’s these daily experiences of newness that I take for granted which I need to be more cognizant of. I am experiencing the “new” all the time. Each day truly can bring something new, and it’s good for me to remember that from time to time.
Writing is a dream of mine yet it scares the crap out of me. I’ve always loved writing, ever since I can remember. When I was in fourth grade I wrote my own “books”, creating pages and pages of handwritten and largely misspelled stories. I started my own newspaper and distributed the exclusive copies only to my parents. I loved the creativity I had as a child when I wrote, and now as an adult, I crave that same creative outlet. Yet my fear of failure or rejection and embarrassment sit heavy on the keyboard. However, there are signs all around me that are pushing me to write. To share my stories. To help others know they aren’t alone, whether they are going through infertility or loving a partner through addition or surviving a divorce or taking their first swipe on Bumble. I know we all are carrying trauma and experiences with us on a daily basis, putting on our mask at times where we want to be protected from the pain and uncertainty. But no one has it figured out. Not me, not you, not New York Times bestselling authors, of which I hope to be one day. What I’m trying to still figure out is how to write my truth. What to say to share my experiences, not to hurt those who hurt me, but to help those who are hurting. To help them, and myself, continue to heal. So I guess it starts with today’s check in. This is the time to refocus on my 2024 words, to review them daily, and to face these self-inflicted fears of failure.
When was the last time you checked in with yourself? When was the last time you stopped going through the motions of life to really see your new experiences and welcome them on a daily basis? When was the last time you did something that scared you? For me, it was today. It was now. And now I will continue to write, continue to be open to the new, to peace and to joy. And to the next six months of 2024. We got this.
Pressing On 