I’m someone who craves connection, and I’m fully aware that may not always be the most healthy thing for me. But what’s an only child who grew up with 48 Barbies supposed to do? I like having lots of friends and finding new connections, and recently I’ve been working hard to see every interaction and connection is a positive light, even when I get ghosted after a first date (which happens often, so c’mon guys, be better).
It’s human nature to seek out connection with each other. We all do it. Some more than others. When I was married, I relied pretty heavily on that connection, on my marriage. It was everything to me, and I thought the more I put into it, the stronger is was. Yet that connection broke and shattered three years ago. And I think since then, and really since I’ve done some reflection and healing (which is an ongoing process), I’ve sought connections both big and small, short and long. I’ve always been social, but I’ve really embraced how important that is to me since my divorce. Because divorce is a lonely road, my friends.
I’ll be honest, I spend way too much time on the apps. I’m confident in myself and I know that a real connection is out there. So why not explore every match and see if there is a vibe? Some guys I’ve met are what Ed Norton in Fight Club calls “single-serving friends”. We interact one time and one time only. And to be honest, some of those interactions teach me more than guys I go on 2-3 dates with before stopping the dating train. I can tell pretty quickly if I’m going to get along with a guy, if he makes me laugh or I feel comfortable with him. I can tell if we are going to have a deeper conversation or a makeout session in the parking lot and never talk to each other again. And though I’ve been on probably 50+ first dates in the last three years, I still haven’t found that true connection with someone. But that doesn’t deter me at all. Don’t worry, those Hinge and Bumble swipes are going strong.
I trust easily, sometimes too easily, which is why I can get disappointed when I think I’m vibing with a guy and then he doesn’t text back (ever again), even after we say how much we both value honesty. My trust has been recently tested to the extreme when I learned a close friend of mine was not who they said they were. They stole money from me, they took advantage of my time, and tested my trust. And it sucks, still sucks. I’m still processing the whole thing, as I’m sure Anna Delvey’s friends did for a while after they figured out her true colors. I don’t want to not be able to trust people because I’ve always given both friends and strangers the benefit of the doubt. But after so many failed dating experiences and this Dateline experience of being conned, it’s hard. It makes it hard to continue searching for connection.
I guess I write all of this because despite the setbacks of the last few years, I really do value each interaction I have. Every time I’m with my friends or family, I work hard to be in the present moment and soak up our connection because it truly brings me joy and peace. Each first date or meeting someone in the wild (aka UpDown) is another lesson in single-serving friendships and those brief interactions always teach me something new. And though my trusting nature has been tested, I’m not planning to change who I am. I’m still excited about deepening my current relationships and the possibility of growing new ones. Just another step in my journey to press on.
Pressing On 