Y’all. I have learned so much in the last 31 days, so much that I wasn’t expecting but was ready to learn. I know many of us try diligently to create and stick to New Year’s resolutions and by this time into a new year, those resolutions are forgotten goals. This year I tried something different. I wrote out four key words to focus on throughout 2022: Joy. Peace. Discipline. Adventure. And by God’s grace, I have been able to find some true peace this month.
I was married for eight years and with him for thirteen years total. So naturally his family became mine, his sibilings became mine. In late 2021 the world lost one of the most creative, kind, and thoughtful humans. He was my former brother-in-law, the best gift-giver with the bashful smile who brought his quiet warmth to every family gathering or dinner with us. I was lucky to have been able to live with him for several periods of my life and his gentle creativity was something that always stuck out to me.
A few weeks ago I was able to join his family to honor his memory and to say goodbye. The days leading up to the service I was nervous and anxious and didn’t know how I’d handle seeing my old family, seeing him and his new wife. I prayed for calm and peace, reminding myself that though we aren’t together anymore, we have a shared past and a friendship that is still evolving. And us coming together was to honor a lost soul who had finally found his own peace, and in turn brought his family together.
The moment I walked into the service, I felt a warmth and a peace that I wasn’t expecting. I hugged Nate and his wife and it felt good, natural, and right. I hugged his aunt, his cousin, his grandmother. It was an unexpected reunion that I didn’t know I needed. I was grateful to be able to be there with all of them to honor Drew, and I know the peace and contentment I felt, and still feel, was his final gift to me. He was always so thoughtful in his gifts, and he knew exactly what would make others smile and feel loved by him.
It has taken me a long time to get to this place of peace. Some days I didn’t know if I’d ever get there. I thought I’d always carry pain and anger towards my ex-husband and that it’d always be difficult to see him with someone else. But that is not the case, not at all. When I think of everything I’ve been through and everything I’ve learned, I am grateful. I am at peace with what happened and what is happening, and that peace is something I’ve prayed and longed for. I know going through my divorce has been a gift, one that I didn’t know I needed.
As I reflect on January 2022, there’s many lessons I’ve learned and much peace that I’ve gained. This experience of seeing Nate to remember Drew was only one of many days this month where I learned something and gained more peace in my life. I’m looking forward to what the next month brings.
Pressing On 