I’ll be honest – I can sometimes struggle with my confidence and self-esteem, which I know is not a unique experience as most of us have streaks of higher or lower confidence throughout our lives. Some days, especially after a run and laughs with family or friends, I’m feeling great. I’ve moved my body, smiled big, and connected with others.
Some days I don’t feel as great. My self-talk can spiral downwards quickly as my thoughts try to convince my mind that I am less than or that I am stuck. I don’t think this whole global pandemic thing helps at all. We are all universally waiting for the return to “normal” and often the repeated stagnant days leave me feeling unmoved. I repeat unsupportive thoughts like “I’m stuck” or “I’m lonely” or my repeated fave “I’m tired”. Some times I hear myself saying “I miss” this or that or him. And if I’m not careful, I’ll let these thoughts become a repeated narrative.
I’ve been working with my therapist on retraining my thoughts and self-talk. Instead of ending my sentence after “I’m stuck”, I’m trying to add “and…” or “but…”. Let’s try it together with the below examples:
- “I’m stuck and that’s ok. There’s a freaking global pandemic happening and you should be staying home and away from people more than normal.”
- “I’m lonely but I’m not alone. Feelings and emotions are temporary, both bad and good ones. And you will be ok.”
- “I miss him but I don’t miss how he could make me feel.”
- “I’m hungry and I’m going to make come mac and cheese!” (Just kidding, this is what I say to myself in the evenings about 4-7 times/week)
Recently I’ve noticed my pattern of negative thinking more and have been able to stop myself and ask “is this statement supportive or unsupportive?” Most of the time my self-talk thoughts are initially not overly supportive, but when I consistently refraim them to be more kind and accurate, I feel way better. I feel more confident in who I am and who I am still becoming.
Two things that helped me feel self-supported this week have been my outfits. I know, sounds kinda shallow right? Umm, not for me. For whatever reason, the clothes I assembled yesterday and today made me feel like Alicia Silverstone in Clueless – powerful, confident, together. I felt comfortable, professional, and cute. When I looked in the mirror, I literally said out loud “cute” and “love it”, like I was a judge on my own version of Project Runway.
Not that it really matters, because I am no fashionista, but I wore a casual gray suit jacket on Wednesday because I thought maybe our new VP, Kamala Harris, or our new First Lady, Dr. Jill Biden, might be wearing a suit jacket Wednesday. Though I wasn’t killing it like they were, I still felt powerful. And though I was just sitting in my office, I knew I looked and felt good.
I guess the moral of the story is that find what makes you feel confident today, and try to make that a daily habit. For me, my outfit was on point today, but tomorrow maybe a connection or workout or book helps me feel more confident. And not every day is a full-blown Vogue moment, but celebrate the days that are. You are beautiful and powerful. Tell yourself that. It’s the truth, own it. And always press on.
Pressing On 